First off, I can't say enough how cringe old/young me was. Jesus, lol. I started this blog when I was 28 and now I'm 44. Maybe that youthful goofiness was due to real life not tearing me apart yet. Or the fact that I was so buttoned-up in my real life that utter ridiculousness bled onto the page via my creative outlets. At any rate, SHEESH. (If it helps at all, I think that I was imitating Lupe Fiasco with my online persona. I recall him writing in a similar silly vein on okp).
That aside, I love that guy. I love that he documented my musical journey. I was two years past my initial mixtape drop, The Real 10, and had yet to make a follow up. Now I'm 6 tapes deep and finally about to drop my debut album. I love that guy, and I owe him, me, what might be my final blog entry*
It's surreal to finally be here. It almost validates the axiom "the journey is better than the destination". Now that the moment is here, I'm almost ready for it to be over with. Not so much so that it can be "over with", more than so the work can be out there. My initial blog was titled "How can I be anonymous when it's my job to be famous", echoing the sentiment of Emcee Joe Budden. I still feel the same way. I want attention, but I don't. I want people to tell me how dope I am without really telling me, which makes no sense, unless you can relate.
The amount of time it's taken me to get to this point is notable. I started rappin in 03/04, dropped The Real 10 in 2006, The Realer 10 in 2008, and the Realest 10 in 2015. Realistically, my debut album should have dropped somewhere within that 7 year time span.
I could defend myself in court and say that "real life" was the reason behind the delayed progress. The year after I wrote my first blog entry, I met the Wife and things went quickly from there. engaged the following year, married the year after that, got a Masters Degree somewhere in between, studio equipment starts failing on you, the whole nine yards. But none of that was the reason the album didn't drop.
I was unorganized. Plain and simple. It's plagued me forever. I'm plenty talented, hard working, All that. I just had trouble putting it all together. "Too much time strategizing, not enough time executing", to quote my brother LRG. I'm a bit better about it now, especially when necessary. I recently illustrated an entire children's book (covertly at that!) within a two month time span. I was mainly able to do this because the person who was spearheading the project is ultra organized. The deadlines, painful as they were, kept me on track.
I didn't have, nor want, that type of guidance in regards to my debut album, A Narrative of the Life. I allowed it to grow organically, unorganized. The result is a project that is as beautiful as it is disjointed. What was originally intended as 12 songs has now ballooned to 30. I already know that sound quality is going to be an issue because I'm collaborating with DOZENS of artists from all over the country and different times. But I still love what I'm about to deliver.
I dropped my third mixtape, The Realest 10 around 2014 and started working on my album in 2015. So yes, this joint is 10 years in the making. *(I dropped 3 valentines day mixtapes and a collab tape in between here, too, but those were more like compilation)
Too much time for one project? Maybe. In my defense, I do have three albums worth of material, so maybe it evens out. On the plus side, the amount of great material I got from all that time is astounding. I'm serious when I say I believe it's the greatest assembly of talent ever. And again, the experience has been wonderful. The studio sessions, hearing dope beats for the first time, that spark that you feel when you come up with a dope bar. I've been going through that process for the past decade plus.
I'm still not sure if my time as a Rapper is coming to a close. I could go on forever if I wanted. What I do know is I'm thankful to that 17-year-old me who decided to take us down this road. That 23-year-old who fought his fears and did the open mic at AAMU's Poetry club. The 28-year-old me who did the open mic at Joi Tiffanys open mic. The 44-year-old me who finally put it all together.
Look at us. Who woulda thought?
-Shaz
*Now that I know how to write and publish books, This might be a nice little momento to myself.
**60-year-old me might look at this and think that I'm goofy, too, loll.
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